ADDRESS: FUNERAL MASS for EILEEN ALABASTER R.I.P.

“Do you know what Eileen said when she met you after you had been appointed as our Rector?”

The question was from one of our older church members last week, and Eileen (as Churchwarden) had been one of the 3 PCC representatives from All Saints to meet me on neutral ground in a pub on the Thames in Wapping in the autumn of 1993 after I had agreed to move to Poplar.  The pub had been recommended by the Archdeacon!

As I recall, it was a relaxing and fun evening,  which ended in an Indian restaurant in Brick Lane where a fight broke out at an adjoining table over the bill. 

I did remember our first meeting, so I replied to the question, “No – what did Eileen say to you after she had met me?”

“Oh”, she replied, “she said you were OK … and that we would soon knock you into shape!”

“Knocking clergy into shape” was one of the things that people in the east end of London did for generations – and are doing still; and Eileen, with her background, character, faith and natural leadership skills was ideally equipped to continue that tradition.  I am deeply conscious of what I owe to her encouragement and support and guidance, and it is with great sadness, but as a privilege, that I speak to you about her now.

Eileen was born in Limehouse in east London in 1931 – she had 7 sisters and 2 brothers, and she was the second youngest of the 10 children.  I am pleased that two of her sisters (Dorothy and Poppy) are here with us.  Like many children living near the docks during the Second World War, which were a natural target for enemy bombs, Eileen was evacuated and spent part of her childhood in Brighton.  I remember her telling me on a parish day trip to Brighton some years ago, that when she lived in Brighton there had not been a nudist beach.  I am still not sure whether that was a criticism or regret!

She left school at 14 after a basic education but with a great love of reading.  A number of sympathy cards received by Bill and the family have shown how over the years she encouraged others to experience the joys of books and reading, too.

She worked first in the tailoring trade and had a continuing interest in haberdashery and knitting; but, the big interest in her life came while she was working as a conductress on a London bus.  In 1955 one of her female colleagues introduced her to her brother, Bill.

I gather they had a rocky start: once she thought he was drunk, and made him prove he was sober by walking along the white line in the middle of the road!  He passed that test –

and, knowing Eileen, possibly, many others, and they married in 1960 – a marriage that was to last happily for 48 years.    She continued working on the buses until Matthew was born.  Sue came along a little later.  After that she  worked locally for a while before joining the City and East London College as a cashier in the catering section.  She stayed 24-Dec-2008

A job associated with catering could not have been more apt, for Eileen always had a passion for cooking, whether it was for family, visitors or her numerous large scale events.  While still in London, for many Sundays she prepared food for the Beaumont Football Club in Leyton (that is 7 teams and their families!), and many of us have benefited from her hospitality.  In Poplar she was famous for her steak and kidney pies – a must on the menu if we had people from local organisations using our church and crypt for conferences and meetings.  I am relieved that the recipe has been handed down to Sophie and will live on!  And that passion and skill continued here in Bedford when she joined others working in the kitchen and helping with events and fund raising at St. Paul’s. 

She loved working with the students at the College and, after retirement, found it difficult to slow down; but it was around this time that the church she attended (St. Peter’s) was closed and she and Ivy Carter moved to All Saints, Poplar, where she met up with an old friend, June Murphy.  It opened a new era in her life – and in ours: and we thank God for it.

It is no exaggeration to say that Eileen was a “gift” to our community.  She was a “do-er” – someone who did not just talk about something, but who made it happen, and her real Christian faith and commitment coupled with her abilities and drive made her an obvious choice as Churchwarden – a post she held with distinction for 10 years: part of that time with John Milbank (who read the first lesson) and then with Fred Lawrence, who holds that office still.  Leadership, plain talking, energy and common sense were all at the service of her real Christian faith and discipleship.  She was not nervous at taking risks either.  I well remember one PCC meeting where sharp divisions had arisen over discussion about experimenting with some changes in liturgy,  and Eileen solved it all by simply saying,

          “You all know I love cooking.  If I find a new recipe for something I like

          I try it.  If it works I do it again – if it doesn’t I don’t.  I haven’t lost

          anything, but I have learned.”     What wonderful common sense!

She valued the traditions of the past, but remained open to the need for the Church to adapt and change if the really important message of God’s love and grace given to us through Jesus was to be accessible to people of other generations and backgrounds.  In that sense, she was a true missionary, too: encouraging people she met to come to services or events at the church, and being a real support as Churchwarden when we decided to re-open one of the closed churches in the parish and send a group of volunteers from the congregation at All Saints to be the nucleus of a new congregation at St. Nicholas, Aberfeldy.  She continued to be delighted at the success of the resulting Church Centre and its growing congregation on that isolated estate.

And so from this Christian woman’s commitment and the help and support of others came

(to name but four):-

• a weekly lunch club for people of all ages in our Crypt with a Christmas lunch to die for!
• numerous outings and coach trips to places in the UK and in France;
• an organised system of sending greetings cards from the congregation to church members at times of celebration, illness or loss;
• weekly raffles, which raised a huge amount of money for the church and its work and mission, both home and abroad – and for local and national charities.

Eileen knew the popular saying “Charity begins at home”, but she also knew like Charles Dickens that “If charity begins at home, justice begins next door,” and through her dedication many individuals, charities and institutions benefited from the money she raised.

I know Eileen would want me to add  something here.  All of this energetic and time-consuming activity could not have been possible without the active support and encouragement of her husband, Bill. 

Bill, the community in Poplar owes a huge debt of gratitude to you for your friendship and the amount of time and help you have given us.  Your marriage with Eileen was a unique partnership and I want you to know how much we – like Eileen – valued and appreciated all that you did for us.  I bring you the condolences, thanks, prayers and love of a huge number of people.

Well, Eileen lived most of her life in the east end of London, apart from the last 41/2 years, and it took a lot of persuasion to get her to move to Bedford to be closer to Matthew, Lesley and Sophie. The first couple of years were not easy for her and it took time to adjust, but with her closeness to Sophie, and seeing her grow up and flourish, she realised that she had made the right decision.  Even Susan has now travelled the same route; and the fact that during her last illness all the family were able to be close to her throughout proved a great blessing and comfort to her. I think that her family and her faith were her 2 greatest loves,  and all of us who have known her want to thank God for what we have received from knowing her and sharing in her life.

Funerals by their very nature are sad events, but at Christian funeral services we hold on to and celebrate the hope we have been given through the love God has shown us in the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus.  “I am going to prepare a place for you,” said Jesus, “and I shall return to take you with me, so that where I am, you may be also.”  Eileen believed that firmly.  When she was in the Hospice someone had given her a small “holding cross”. She was holding that cross when she was anointed and commended to God’s love and care, and she kept it in her hand until she died.  Her hope in Heaven was as strong as her commitment as a follower of Jesus to try to bring something of  God’s  love, joy, justice and peace into the lives of those around her in this world – to give them a glimpse of the “Heaven on earth” we pray for in the Lord’s Prayer.  I have no doubt that she is at peace and resting in the Lord.

As I thought about what I would say today some lines from one of Jesus’ parables repeatedly came to mind.  They come from the parable of the Three Servants and concern the servants who had discharged well the gifts and responsibilities that had been given to them.  In the story they report on their stewardship.

“Well done, good and faithful servant,“ says the Master to the servant, “come and enter into the happiness of my kingdom.”

Eileen, you have indeed been a good and faithful wife, mother, grandmother, friend, colleague – and disciple of the Lord. Thank you for all you have been, and all you have given us. 

May you rest in peace and enter into the happiness of God’s Kingdom.

Amen.

Alan Wynne

July 2008